Sober reflections of intoxicated musings

So I have not liked anybody since october 10th 2004.

Liking someone is really a mysterious and interesting thing, if only we had more control over it, if only we could only be infatuated with people that would be healthy relationships and save ourselves all the trouble and heartache.

I have no idea why I do, I just know that I do.

And I know why, I know exactly why.

I am so entirely frustrated.

I know what I want is slightly unreasonable, I just don't think that it is that far fetched at all.

I believe in love.

Soo nothing cohesive

Paralyzed in thought. Not so much by fear but by lack of emotion.

There is a need…for something, for anything that will make me feel again.

I always hated when people said they were depressed.

How fucking hard is it to smile? Or to just laugh?

But I think that I may understand now.

Everything is not fun anymore.

Even my favorite things bring no satisfaction, not that they ever did?…did they?

So I sit. Constantly streaming variables through my mind. It all seems hopeless.

Where is this God? My god?

Thor or Loki

What evidence do you have that I am not the God of Thunder?

I want to be the very best

Like no one ever was.

But I am to tired to write and I am too lazy.

And I half ass this blog like I do everything in my life.

Thats pretty lame.

Here's to the new year and getting things right.

Fiery determination.

Dont stop, believing!

Welcome to my realest year.

I realize what I am best at is me.


I've spent so long being so fake its hard to get back into being myself.


It is a little difficult but it feels good.

Heartbreak in the 408.

Stress and bad timing you will be the death of me.




Time to just do work son.



I realize I have a lot of work ahead of me, but for the first time in my life I want nothing other than to start hacking away at the mountain of bad decisions that I have made, and start wiping away each mistake with some hard work and good decisions. For the first time, doing the right thing is more important than having fun.


That is a very, very foreign idea to me.


What is fun and easy is what is best right?

WRONG!


Good thing it only took me 23 years to learn and not a few more decades.

I was really depressed for a while.
Well for years.



But my old man gave me some perspective.

I dont have any kids. (Praise Jesus!)
I dont have bad credit or heaps of debt.
and
I am in good health.


So basically I just have to start from scratch, that's not so bad.


Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate
but that we are powerful beyond measure
imagine the possibilities...