I am a creep

When did that happen?

I am not sure of when I lost my innocence.

I dont know how many times I was molested as a child, and I dont know all of the people who robbed me.


I wonder if that is what has shaped me into who I am?



My step dad used to mentally physically and emotional abuse me.
I wonder if I was made stronger, in my rage, in my hatred of him and the injustice, or if at some point I lost myself.

Or god forbid, please god say it isnt so.


That all those atrocities of my childhood that I thought I had somehow risen above; have actually taken a terrible toll on me.



How does a boy become a man without a father?
How can I go home when I dont have one?


I have spent most of my adult life not having 4 walls to call my own.
Sleeping on peoples couches, renting rooms that are either lofts or game rooms that dont actually have 4 walls.


Right now I am living on a couch.

I dont know if its depressing or humbling.



I am so far behind, I wonder if I will ever be able to catch up.


I am not trying to whine, I am just trying to let honesty spill.



I think my parents are cowards.
I dont want to end up like either of them



I am really a very introspective person. Full of veracity and honesty.






I just want to meet new people and trade life stories.




I drift from place to place, never making any real friends.

Why is that?
Is it me?
It has to be, I am the only common factor where ever I roam.


Vagabond
Vagrant
Drifter



I want a home.
A place to call home and a love all my own.
Home is where your heart is, home is who your heart loves.

I wonder if its my fault I dont have a home.


I am not afraid of sharing my own thoughts or admitting these are the things I think and feel.

I should probably go to sleep now.




I can never sleep.
And if I happen to fall asleep I never sleep well.

I dont know if its the fact that I dont have a bed or if its my demons keeping me up.


Im drowning in my sleep.




I just want to drum, take my emotions out until I cannot hear anything but the crash of the symbols, until my limbs are so weary that I cannot lift them anymore and then hopefully, maybe then sleep would conquer me.